It 2.56 am and I cant sleep. The whole day has been a rather boring day without much activity. I was hoping for a more exiting evening but still it bore me to death. I guess one should not expect to have an exiting thing until it happens. Let me share some interesting facts. Why do the person that we love the most is the person that we always subconsciously neglect. Perhaps we take it for granted that they will always be there for us, unconditionally. That they will love despite of your wrongdoings. Perhaps love is too big a word for us common mortal. I’m not saying LOVE as in “in love’, or , as in a matter of lovers, but love in general.
I’m trying to understand love among friends. I love all my friends a lot. Be it my new friends. My old friends, and of course my best friends. Call me lucky,but during my time of depression, friends, whether consciously or otherwise, they have manage to get me out on my feet. My knight in shining armor. They make me want to get out of bed and face the cruel world.
SMS’s and calls do enter early in my days. Small gesture makes big difference. No doubt they act like a bunch of drunken hooligans during our routine session at Makbul ’ Nasi Kandar Sungai Petani that is’, which usually lasted at 2pm every morning but somehow it does brings comfort. Smiles can cure sickness. A whole bunch of characters are there. Basically we don’t do anything much, just lots of laughter. I cant remember a time that we spent together without laughter. Just cant. No matter how much bickering is done we hold no grudge.
I have a small little brother, Faisal. Though we are not biologically related, he has been there by my side during my time of needs. I guess we bonded well and he treats me with huge respect, which I deeply valued. He thought me a good lesson today. Other friends sometimes watch with envy on how I treated him, but they have to swallow the fact that he is an apple to my eyes. It seems during the last few days I have been neglecting him . I assumed he was busy working and it was last night that I just realized how much he appreciated our friendship.
During the past few days, there were indications from him that something is wrong but I took no notice. I’ve been trying to talk to him for the past few days but It seems I was too busy with my programs that any idea of communications just slips my mind. Honestly I was not mad or angry just that I have so much to do, busy I guess. The past few days I just walk through his working place without the usual hellos. Minus the warm chat. Perhaps just an oblivious gaze and miniscule gestures to indicate I was there, but never directly to him.
I have forgotten the daily smoking routine, which we took whenever he can escape his duty. I have forgotten the small talks that we usually have at the stairways near the fire exits. I have forgotten to sit outside his workplace and have a cigarette or two and he will deliver me a glass of iced lemon tea. I have forgotten to invite him to our daily teh tarik session. I have forgotten to invite him to a few occasions. I have forgotten to include him in my activities. I am such a wicked person. To do these things to the person that we love as our own blood is truly demeaning. I have reduced myself to being an ungrateful brother. A big moron. For this I’M SORRY.
Last night when he spoke to me, I can see that he was a little hurt. Me being my usual feisty self would try to defend my action as much as possible, but with him I just cant be feisty. Without big words, he has shown me that small gestures do make big differences.
Without him realizing it, he reminds me how friendship should be respected. How holy the matrimony is. Its beyond love, beyond blood. He reminds me how it is to say sorry and be a little more conscious about other people’s feeling. He reminds me that things that we do subconsciously can hurt others without us knowing it. He reminds me how important a friend can be. And he did all this things with a few carefully selected words.. Not with anger or despair, nor with ridicule nor sarcasm. He say thing direct from his heart. That is the most important part of all. I truly admire that. I wish I have the same guts but I guess I’m not that strong. I am however a mere mortal. For what he has done, he will forever have a special place in my heart.
4.11 am. Till then.
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